The writer/director of "Superhero Movie" wringing his hands over the death of spoofs.
Whose fault is it?
Apparently, everybody except the writer/director of "Superhero Movie." The makers of other spoofs, the public for being tired of spoofs, and whoever didn't give him enough money to do the ending he wanted to do.
Yep, there's plenty of blame to go around, except for the guy who actually made a spoof that bombed, like...well, like "Superhero Movie" bombed.
He's the real victim here.
In fact, as we learn in the Comments section, "Superhero Movie" is actually one of the few spoofs that the writer-director of "Superhero Movie" thinks is good.
Young Frankenstein Airplane! Top Secret! I’m Gonna Git You Sucka Don’t Be A Menace…. Hot Shots! Scary Movie Scary Movie 3 Scary Movie 4 Portions of Superhero
"Scary Movie 3" and "Scary Movie 4" incidentally, were also co-written by the writer/director of "Superhero Movie."
So to review, three of the 10 spoofs that the writer/director of "Superhero Movie" thinks are good were written and/or directed by the writer/director of "Superhero Movie."
Jeez, so they MUST be good. Way better than those crappy "Naked Gun" movies that didn't make the cut.
Thanks for the recommend, writer/director of "Superhero Movie"! I just added all three of your movies to the top of my Netflix queue.
ETA: After some very careful reflection, on second thought, I've decided to just go on living my life.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Sotomayor Mad-libs
It's easy! Just fill in the blanks of this sentence for maximum irony:
The party of ___________________ is complaining that Sotomayor __________________.
Examples:
The party of George W. Bush is complaining that Sotomayor is unintelligent.
The party of Dick Cheney is complaining that Sotomayor is a bully.
The party of Rush Limbaugh and Michael Savage is complaining that Sotomayor is racist.
The party of Clarence Thomas is complaining that Sotomayor benefited from affirmative action.
The party of Bush v. Gore is complaining that Sotomayor makes decisions based on feelings instead of the law.
Try it! It's fun!
The party of ___________________ is complaining that Sotomayor __________________.
Examples:
The party of George W. Bush is complaining that Sotomayor is unintelligent.
The party of Dick Cheney is complaining that Sotomayor is a bully.
The party of Rush Limbaugh and Michael Savage is complaining that Sotomayor is racist.
The party of Clarence Thomas is complaining that Sotomayor benefited from affirmative action.
The party of Bush v. Gore is complaining that Sotomayor makes decisions based on feelings instead of the law.
Try it! It's fun!
Yes, I'm a cold-hearted bastard...
...but I just didn't love "Up" all that much.
I mean, sure...LIKED it. Nearly impossible not to. And it's swell seeing Spencer Tracy resurrected and all. And it really opened beautifully...but then settled down into "decent" and pretty much stayed there. I'm in agreement with pretty much everything in Joe Morgenstern's review.
The best Pixar movies remain "Finding Nemo", "Toy Story 2", and "Wall-E".
And I remain a cold-hearted bastard.
Incidentally, don't make the same mistake I did and go to the wrong version.
I mean, sure...LIKED it. Nearly impossible not to. And it's swell seeing Spencer Tracy resurrected and all. And it really opened beautifully...but then settled down into "decent" and pretty much stayed there. I'm in agreement with pretty much everything in Joe Morgenstern's review.
The best Pixar movies remain "Finding Nemo", "Toy Story 2", and "Wall-E".
And I remain a cold-hearted bastard.
Incidentally, don't make the same mistake I did and go to the wrong version.
Wha?
Did I hear Olbermann say yesterday that because of this Tiller shooting, he wasn't going to even mention Bill O'Reilly anymore?
I mean, I respect the decision and all, but jeez...that's half the fun of the show.
Thanks a lot, shooter jerk.
I mean, I respect the decision and all, but jeez...that's half the fun of the show.
Thanks a lot, shooter jerk.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Screenwriting 101
So let's say your protagonist has a major, life-threatening problem. The clock is ticking, like, seriously, if she doesn't solve the problem, she's gonna DIE in a couple days.
Protagonist has a friend who is extremely well-versed in the area in which her problem lies. He knows how to solve her problem. But rather than doing anything along the lines of telling her what the solution would be, he instead makes a whole bunch of other irrelevant and far more complicated suggestions, which she follows to the letter, that serve absolutely no purpose, put her in jeopardy, waste an immense amount of time, and bring her not one step closer to solving her problem. And the reason he eventually gives for waiting so long makes absolutely no sense.
Basically, you just wrote a seriously crappy script that should never have been put before cameras, much less gotten any sort of theatrical release.
Congratulations!
Protagonist has a friend who is extremely well-versed in the area in which her problem lies. He knows how to solve her problem. But rather than doing anything along the lines of telling her what the solution would be, he instead makes a whole bunch of other irrelevant and far more complicated suggestions, which she follows to the letter, that serve absolutely no purpose, put her in jeopardy, waste an immense amount of time, and bring her not one step closer to solving her problem. And the reason he eventually gives for waiting so long makes absolutely no sense.
Basically, you just wrote a seriously crappy script that should never have been put before cameras, much less gotten any sort of theatrical release.
Congratulations!
WTF am I gonna do without "Breaking Bad"?
The Season Two finale of AMC's "Breaking Bad" aired last night, which means that I've officially run out of TV series to follow for the summer (suggestions?), but the bigger point here is this:
If you're not watching this show, your life took a horribly wrong turn somewhere. Sorry, but that's a fact.
All 13 episodes of this season weren't merely good, they knocked it out of the goddamn park. Even "The Sopranos" and "Deadwood", in their best seasons, didn't accomplish THAT.
Your guess is as good as mine as to what two of the best series on television are doing on a network named American Movie Classics, but then again, I have no fucking clue what movies like "Chain Reaction" are doing on there either.
In any case, if you missed the boat on this puppy, it's easily rectified. Rent Season One. Thanks to me and my WGA brethren shortening last year's TV seasons for reasons too complicated to go into here, it's only eight (44-minute) episodes long, so you can knock that out in two nights, easy.
Then you can even watch the entire Season Two premiere online here. (And while you're over there, incidentally, you can watch any episode of "The Prisoner" you want. How great is that?) (If you've never seen "The Prisoner"...Again, somewhere along the way, you made a terrible mistake.)
Then you can rent the rest of Season Two from Amazon for $2 a pop, or just wait for the reruns or the DVDs (but do you really want to wait that long?) (Hint: No.)
And okay, yes, it's Bryan Cranston, the dad from the odious "Malcolm in the Middle", but he fucking rocks, and that's all I'm going to say about it.
Just trust me on this. Watch the show.
You're welcome.
If you're not watching this show, your life took a horribly wrong turn somewhere. Sorry, but that's a fact.
All 13 episodes of this season weren't merely good, they knocked it out of the goddamn park. Even "The Sopranos" and "Deadwood", in their best seasons, didn't accomplish THAT.
Your guess is as good as mine as to what two of the best series on television are doing on a network named American Movie Classics, but then again, I have no fucking clue what movies like "Chain Reaction" are doing on there either.
In any case, if you missed the boat on this puppy, it's easily rectified. Rent Season One. Thanks to me and my WGA brethren shortening last year's TV seasons for reasons too complicated to go into here, it's only eight (44-minute) episodes long, so you can knock that out in two nights, easy.
Then you can even watch the entire Season Two premiere online here. (And while you're over there, incidentally, you can watch any episode of "The Prisoner" you want. How great is that?) (If you've never seen "The Prisoner"...Again, somewhere along the way, you made a terrible mistake.)
Then you can rent the rest of Season Two from Amazon for $2 a pop, or just wait for the reruns or the DVDs (but do you really want to wait that long?) (Hint: No.)
And okay, yes, it's Bryan Cranston, the dad from the odious "Malcolm in the Middle", but he fucking rocks, and that's all I'm going to say about it.
Just trust me on this. Watch the show.
You're welcome.
Question for Anti-Choiceists*
Why are you still here?
In America, I mean?
According to you, abortion is the killing of infants, right? That's why you're all so delighted about the murder of Dr. George Tiller, right? Because he was a monster who deserved to die for killing all those thousands of babies? That's why you've so gleefully dubbed him "Tiller the Killer" and "Baby Killer Tiller"? That's why you're doing the happy-feet dance over the cold-blooded shooting of an unarmed man (husband, father of four and grandfather of 10, btw) at his church? Because he was an evil mass murderer who had personally committed Baby Holocaust?
So basically, as far as you're concerned, America is a country (the country that many of you insistently, stridently, refer to as "the greatest country in the world") where it's legal to kill babies.
So why are you living in such a place? Why is that not a deal-breaker for you?
I mean, if I genuinely believed my country had legalized infanticide...Hell, let's even take it down a few notches...If my country had legalized the murder of kittens, I'd be on the next plane out.
Seriously, not being hyperbolic, if it suddenly became officially legal to buy a kitten, take it home and decapitate it, I'd start pricing apartments in less barbaric countries.
But YOU think it's legal to kill babies here, and you're still hanging around?
Why?
Keep in mind...This isn't me saying "Love it or leave it" (though lord knows I've heard it enough), I'm genuinely asking, if you really feel that way, that America green-lights baby-murders, how CAN you love it, and why haven't you left it?
I mean, near as I can figure, it's either a) You don't REALLY think abortion is the murder of babies (in which case you can spare us the righteous indignation about it); or b) You do think that, but you're willing to put up with it because...I dunno, you like the schools for your kids or you have a really kick-ass view or something (in which case, you're not exactly on the moral high ground, so you too can spare us your preachy bullshit).
Which is it?
Seriously. Why haven't you left? There are plenty of other countries to choose from where what you believe to be infanticide is illegal (which isn't to say that it doesn't go on just as much there...just not legally) Why haven't you washed your hands of this baby-murdering country of ours? If legalized baby-killing isn't enough to turn you off of this place, what would be?
Why are you still fucking here?
*That's right, that's what I'm calling you. Not "pro-lifers", because who, other than serial killers, isn't pro-life? Not even "anti-abortionists", because even pro-choicers are not actually FOR abortions, we're just in favor of the option to HAVE them. You, on the other hand, are ANTI-choice, so that's the label you get. Deal with it.
In America, I mean?
According to you, abortion is the killing of infants, right? That's why you're all so delighted about the murder of Dr. George Tiller, right? Because he was a monster who deserved to die for killing all those thousands of babies? That's why you've so gleefully dubbed him "Tiller the Killer" and "Baby Killer Tiller"? That's why you're doing the happy-feet dance over the cold-blooded shooting of an unarmed man (husband, father of four and grandfather of 10, btw) at his church? Because he was an evil mass murderer who had personally committed Baby Holocaust?
So basically, as far as you're concerned, America is a country (the country that many of you insistently, stridently, refer to as "the greatest country in the world") where it's legal to kill babies.
So why are you living in such a place? Why is that not a deal-breaker for you?
I mean, if I genuinely believed my country had legalized infanticide...Hell, let's even take it down a few notches...If my country had legalized the murder of kittens, I'd be on the next plane out.
Seriously, not being hyperbolic, if it suddenly became officially legal to buy a kitten, take it home and decapitate it, I'd start pricing apartments in less barbaric countries.
But YOU think it's legal to kill babies here, and you're still hanging around?
Why?
Keep in mind...This isn't me saying "Love it or leave it" (though lord knows I've heard it enough), I'm genuinely asking, if you really feel that way, that America green-lights baby-murders, how CAN you love it, and why haven't you left it?
I mean, near as I can figure, it's either a) You don't REALLY think abortion is the murder of babies (in which case you can spare us the righteous indignation about it); or b) You do think that, but you're willing to put up with it because...I dunno, you like the schools for your kids or you have a really kick-ass view or something (in which case, you're not exactly on the moral high ground, so you too can spare us your preachy bullshit).
Which is it?
Seriously. Why haven't you left? There are plenty of other countries to choose from where what you believe to be infanticide is illegal (which isn't to say that it doesn't go on just as much there...just not legally) Why haven't you washed your hands of this baby-murdering country of ours? If legalized baby-killing isn't enough to turn you off of this place, what would be?
Why are you still fucking here?
*That's right, that's what I'm calling you. Not "pro-lifers", because who, other than serial killers, isn't pro-life? Not even "anti-abortionists", because even pro-choicers are not actually FOR abortions, we're just in favor of the option to HAVE them. You, on the other hand, are ANTI-choice, so that's the label you get. Deal with it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
